My family came up to Philadelphia to see the sights and visit with me. To celebrate Jay, Sheena, and I thought we would take my family out to eat. So, Friday night we all went to the famous Shady Maple Smorgasbord! Shady Maple is a truly unique place. It features miles and miles of homemade Pennsylvania Dutch cuisine, all of it there for you to eat and eat and eat until you can’t eat anymore. Buffet places are very funny. At least for me, whenever I go to a buffet I feel obligated to eat as much as I can so as to make the restaurant pay dearly for giving me free-reign over the food bar. Many of you may do the exact same thing. Instead of just saying what I had to eat at Shady Maple I thought I’d do it in a more comical manner…
The following is a fictitious conversation between myself and a waiter that would have taken my order had Shady Maple not been a buffet. Enjoy…
Waiter: Welcome to Shady Maple sir. May I take you order?
Me: Yes. I think that I’ll start off with something light. Perhaps a fillet of Cajun catfish, as well as smoked salmon, and a thin slice of beef brisket. Also could you fit in a skewer of fried shrimp? For my side dishes I’d like some potato salad and a dab of pasta salad.
Me: Oh yeah I’d like 2 homemade rolls: one wheat and the other white with jalapeño slices in it.
Waiter: Of course. Would you like anything else?
Me: My man, you better stay right where you are! ‘Cause I’m just getting started!
Waiter: My apologies sir.
Me: Okay, next I’d like a plate with several pierogies, a small Chinese spring roll, some French fries with cheese and ketchup, and a slice of fresh raspberry bread. I’d like some more shrimp as well, but this time I’d like them breaded and fried.
Waiter: Anything to drink sir?
Me: Yes, I’ll have a glass or two of water. No sodas for me. I’m trying to watch my figure you know.
Waiter: Okay and…
Me: Wait! Actually could I have a cherry slushy?! I saw the machine on my way over to the table. Could I have a small one of those?
Waiter: But of course sir. I assume you’ll be wanting dessert.
Me: You betcha. I’ll have a slice of key-lime pie, raspberry cheesecake with a chocolate crust, and to finish off this meal I think I’ll have some of the éclair casserole.
Waiter: Right away sir. I’ve have that out for you immediately. Enjoy your meal, and be sure to come back and see us again.
I’m almost ashamed to admit that this is exactly what my order would have sounded like if I had been forced to verbalize it! I know! I know! I’m disgusting, but I did share some of it with my family that was sitting around me, and if it’s any consolation I didn’t eat until the next day at dinner!!!
It's been a long time
2 years ago